I started crying today. My wife reminded me to rinse my mouth with salt water. I had a tooth extracted. Silly, but my heart was full. What would I do without my caregivers? My wife, my sons, daughters-in-law, sister, even grandsons. My 4 year old grandson, when we play jungle animals, wants me to be an animal with balance (a snake – can’t fall down). My one year grandson makes sure I have my cane when I go out. When diagnosed with MS I felt like I won a lottery I didn’t buy a ticket for. Caregiving is an act of love. It occurs to me that most chatter about best health doesn’t honor the caregivers. Honoring caregivers – a magic lever of best health – Xmas for caregivers. My thanks to my caregivers – from my heart. How can we better honor the caregivers?
Thanksgiving is my family’s signature holiday. We like to appreciate. This year I appreciate my family – soothes my soul, entertains me, keeps me honest. I appreciate my layoff – affirming my passion for the e-Patient, opening new vistas and sandboxes for me to play in. I appreciate my music – soothes my soul, humbles me, reminds my that my Swiss Cheese (MS) brain can still learn. I appreciate my growing network-inspires me and encourages me. Oh my, I hear a theme – soothing the soul, learning, humility, inspiration, fun. For this I give thanks.
I am the child of holocaust survivors. Recently I’m hearing more about my mother’s life as a German Jew in hiding in Netherlands for her teen years. It strikes me as an empowered, engaged ePatient how our different life situations change the meaning of ePatient. In her case, survival was paramount, then boredom and fear. Isn’t that health? She tells about surgery for my grandfather on a kitchen table. Wasn’t she an ePatient? What I think of as health is very different. I am white, comfortable, loved, with little fear. I’m a worried well person with a chronic disease. I focus on other portions of the health continuum: meds, appointments, weight, diet, balance, stamina. My friend Cristin Lind’s blog Durgatoolbox dramatizes this lopsided continuum in her son’s care map. The similarity for each scenario is that best health is hugely more than medical institutions address. No matter how much I try, I can’t get my brain around what my mother experienced. I can’t get my brain around what Cristin and her family experience. Yet I can pull threads of understanding, empathy, compassion. Scents of our commonality. How do we share ourselves as we are ePatients? How can we help professionals on our teams pull those threads, whiff those scents?
My heart aches – I have loved two people with serious mental health disease. I am a caregiver, I want to be a contributing part of my loved ones’ health journeys. Heck, I became a nurse because I find fulfillment in being an intimate part of people’s health journey. I felt gnawing inadequacy living with my loved ones with serious depression. It killed me that they didn’t appreciate themselves as much as I valued them. We couldn’t figure out how to let me in to be part of their team. They were so alone, I got so angry. I honor this day to honor them. Lillie and Peggy, you made life rich. Thanks.
My grandson, age 4: Opa (that’s me) go get your cane, let’s play in the yard.
Opa: Sure, what should we play?
Grandson: Jungle animals
Opa: What animal should I be?
Grandson: One with balance. 🙂
Why do I feel so wonderful hanging out with my grandchildren? My heart is open, I laugh. Where else can I be, but in the moment. Truly, grandchildren are magic levers to best health.
Tragedy is the common unifying force of life and organizations. The more seasoned you are, the more likely you are to have experienced personal and organizational tragedy – a death, diagnosis of serious illness, job loss, legal difficulties, downsizing, loss of a contract, loss of key staff, loss, loss, loss.
My daughter-in-law texted me, May the force be with you, as I was in the midst of a personal tragedy. What is this force, this superpower? How does a person or an organization survive a loss, a tragedy and regain best health? Resiliency. According to SAMHSA resilience is the ability to:
- Bounce back
- Take on difficult challenges and still find meaning in life
- Respond positively to difficult situations
- Rise above adversity
- Cope when things look bleak
- Tap into hope
- Transform unfavorable situations into wisdom, insight, and compassion
- Endure
The American Psychological Association reports the following attributes about resilience:
- The capacity to make and carry out realistic plans
- Communication and problem-solving skills
- A positive or optimistic view of life
- Confidence in personal strengths and abilities
- The capacity to manage strong feelings, emotions, and impulses
Can resilience be learned? How can we increase the resilience capacity for ourselves, our families, our organizations, and our communities? What tools can help increase our resilience capacity?
What are my superpowers? What are your superpowers? Love having this conversation with my grandson. Today, he has atomic breath like Godzilla (especially in the morning). I first had this conversation with my son when we first knew he was dying of cancer. His superpower was poetry.
i am not things.
i am sums of things,
guessing that i’m part of God,
wondering if there is some place
where my soul will go
from where i might look down
with advantages my eyes did not have
and see the tops of trees
which i used to walk beneath for
shelter from rain and sun,
and see the way things go together
like continental tracts of land
punctuated by water and lights
and roads and other concrete artifices
Preface to “the way I become about dying” by Michael P Funk, 2002
When diagnosed with MS, my superpower became the ability to accept what is. Superpowers are a magic lever for best health.
What are your superpowers?
